Reposting Exes as Friends by MSS

This is a post written by my super friend MSS. Yeah, I was one of her then heartbroken friends once upon a time. Simple/Complicated question. I've got to agree with her. IT DEPENDS. Seriously, sometimes what for?

Can exes be friends?

I've had countless conversations about this topic with a lot of heartbroken friends. And I've always said YES, it's possible, but it takes time… blah blah blah. That's why I was so happy to have stumbled upon that article. It put everything together in a nice, neat, little package.

We always WANT to be friends after. God knows we always say the "Let's be friends" spiel after the break up and assure them we mean it. And we probably did too at that particular moment. Why? Because even the most harebrained person on this planet recognizes the fact that we can't reprogram our entire lives that quickly. And of course, because no one wants to come across as the A-hole who just dropped so and so like a hot potato.

But seriously, what is it with the perverse pleasure of being able to say 'I'm friends with my ex"?!? I am totally guilty of this, and I admit there's that spark of perversity and superiority that I'm mature enough to handle being friends with an ex. But after reading that article, I had to wonder -- was I really "handling" it?

It's time to rethink my easy answer and make qualifications because the answer really is - IT DEPENDS.

In a relationship where too much love was shared, too much pain caused, and too much guilt involved, I seriously doubt those exes can be friends. There can never be a hole deep enough, or a trash can big enough, for you to throw all the baggage away. Sure, years can pass by and the baggage will fade and rot into a dirty gray, but hey, guess what? Some of it is still there. And the bad thing is you'll probably stumble upon them in the most inopportune time. Just when you think it's lost forever, whatever's left comes to life and kicks you in the ass.

Well, you'll probably be "friends" enough to be able to say Hi back if you chance upon each other, but to actually sit down and chatty-chirp-chirp and update each other -- seriously, what for?

My thought bubble goes: Do I get a gold medal for not puking if he's raving about his current beau? Do I get points in heaven for listening on just how fantastic his life has been ever since I stepped out of the picture? Or do I even get assured of being reincarnated as a princess if I listen to stories on just how shitty it was for a long time when I went away until he finally recovered?

The answer is NO, I DON'T. I only get to say really smugly that "I'm friends with my ex" to people who most likely don't give a flying f*ck if we were or not. And for all the trouble (see the article) I have to go through just to say it, sometimes, it's just so not worth it. You just can't win 'em all. Believe it. Embrace it.