UGH

People tell me I am strong, that I have a kind heart, that I'm a happy person. Sometimes I know/start thinking I am, sometimes I just don't. Sometimes I just want to say F*ck it all. What an effing year that was. I hate comparing my life to others because I still think I'm one of the most blessed and I immediately feel guilty afterwards. Like what I always say, "To each is his own problems." But then again if you went through what I went through... go through what I still have to go through. UGH. They say when you're at the absolute bottom there is no way but up. WHEN the hell is that??? How do I get over this? How do I continue to move on? How do I block the hurtful information? How do you handle betrayal? How do you not feel hurt? Why do I always, always try to understand? Why do I sometimes think that what happened was my fault when I was going after something important to me? Ganon ganon na lang pala iyon. It's crappy because you know you gave your all and it wasn't matched. Gusto kong manumbat pero hindi ko naman kaya. P*nyeta! Ang sarap manumbat! Gusto ko nang manumbat! I'm so tempted to TELL ALL here. Tell my side of the story. I can't help but want to be mean for once, want people to hurt, want revenge. I just want to SCREAM. It's the 3rd day of the new year and I'm sad. My eyes are hurting and bloodshot. UGH. I don't like feeling this way. I don't like it at all. Hopefully, I'm not back to squat. I hope this time, it'll be quicker.